“Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.”
Matthews 11:28
As a former Weary Woman, this verse and the next few verses that follow are some of my favorites in the entire Bible. It's a comforting promise made by my heavenly father that he will never leave me and will taken on my burdens when they are the heaviest. It never fails to fill my heart and soul with a restful peace that seems to dare defining. A peace so encompassing that it even my physical pain lessens, which is a small miracle. It reminds me of the depth of God's love for me and has been the light in the deepest recesses of our darkest despair... my hope that with God all things are possible.
Throughout the last decade I have battled with health issues such as diabetes, a heart attack, high blood pressure, migraines, chronic pain from degenerative disc disease, as well as financial problems and the death of my parents that resulted in severe depression. I tried many techniques/methods of coping...some that were experimental in nature. Pain medications helped but left me unable to care for myself when I took them. Physical Therapy took me from not being to walk much to using a cane. I even did epidural for pain management but with only 5, 11 and 10 minutes relief from my three sessions (at a cost of $1500 per session)... it didn't seem feasible to spend all that money on something that had such a small amount of time pain-free associated with it. I even did bio-feedback, hypnosis and acupuncture in an attempt to code. Alas, nothing helped.
You have to understand that before the time when the pain began, I was an active woman. I cut my own firewood. I repaired a leaky roof. I mowed my five acres with a push mower and I loved every moment of it. I learned at 40 how to drive a backhoe and do excavations. I laid boulders in my driveway to build it up. I rarely needed to ask for assistance. I was proud of my independence. It was my signature.
When the pain first started, a period I now refer to as BGP or Before God's Presence in my life, I refused to accept my limitations. I got angry. I wasn't a very nice person to be around at times. I couldn't even get my groceries inside from the car and put away...and that made me sad as well as angry. I hated asking anyone for help. I felt useless when something like the simple task of getting up off the couch required assistance. Sometimes even the simplest chores meant a long rest period before I could complete them.
I remember one morning when I got up off the bed and my legs gave out. I sunk to the floor. It seemed even the weight of my pajamas on my pain-ridden body was too much for me to bear. I began to cry... and cried until my tears dried and my body collapsed. My nine year niece found me like that several hours later.
It was about that time when I began my walk with God. Oh, I had always believed that there was a God but didn't know him personally. As the pain continued to be an issue...particularly at night...I'd pull out my Bible and read. Sometimes as I read....especially when the pain level was unbearable, I found myself arguing with God. “God,” I cried. “Why are you allowing me to live in this pain? Why can't you just take me home to Heaven?” I knew suicide was morally wrong but if God was God...couldn't he find a way to let me go? My quality of life had never been lower.
The Devil used this time to taunt me and try to shake my newly found Christian faith. He knew, as he always does, exactly what buttons to push. I wanted desperately to believe the God that I was learning about... truly loved and cared for me. That crafty Satan put thoughts in my head just to try to convince me that God wasn't not listening and he didn't care. From out of the blue, it seemed, the thought that God couldn't be as great as he promised because if he was...then the pain would leave and I'd be fine. So...why wasn't I fine? What made me think that God heard me?
One evening when the pain was unmanageable, I began to pray.”Please, God, I need your help. I can't handle anymore. There is no way that I can get through this. I'm just too tired. It hurts too badly. I'm not strong. Please!” I begged, as I wept.
That's when I opened my Bible to Matthews 11:28. I had heard the phrase that the Good Lord works in mysterious ways before. Well, this must have been one of the ways because it was like the verse was written just for me. How could that be...when the verse had been written years before I was born? The pain disappeared. Tears flooded down my cheeks. Mind you, not tears of pain...but of relief and peace. As Christian know the depth of our heavenly father's love is awesome. I felt God's own special beautiful peace. I can truly say that there is nothing like it in this world.
Now just thinking of the verse bring a smile to my face and a twinkle to my eyes. As my walk with the Lord continues to grow, I relish and cherish that simple promise. Now, when the pain comes...as it sometimes does, I know that he is beside me always. I know that no matter what happens in my life I will be loved and cared for...so I give the burden to the Lord and rest in that promise that my Weary Woman days are gone.
Copyright © April, 2008 – Peg Finley. All rights reserved.
